Posts tagged cookie dough

You know that it’s February 14 when there is a shortage of Kleenex at your drugstore, a scarcity of raw cookie dough at your grocery store and a million hits of Ryan Gosling holding a puppy on Google. Love it or hate it, there is no avoiding Valentine’s Day.

Personally? I love it. It’s an excuse to pig out on candy and wear excessive amounts of pink without looking like a flamingo. Plus, my mom gives pretty sweet gifts. However, I know others feel differently. Navigating this sensitive holiday in Corporate America can be tricky. This isn’t grade school where everybody receives a Valentine. Whether you are single or in a relationship, today can be a blood bath.

To ensure a more pleasant and successful Valentine’s Day experience at the office, follow these simple rules:

If you are single,

1) Don’t complain that soulless greeting card and candy companies invented this holiday in order to rake in millions of dollars. I am willing to bet that your job exists because of very similar reasons. Nobody likes a hypocrite.

2) Do pounce on your office crush, since chances are he/she will be vulnerable. Might as well strike while the iron is hot.

3) Don’t, of all days, brag about your World of Warcraft score. Just don’t.

4) Do pass out Valentines to all your favorite coworkers. This is an excellent time to make public all the people you actually like in your office.

Now, if you are part of a couple,

1) Don’t expose your LiLo because you decided to go commando under your skirt. We all know you are having sex tonight. Wait until after work to take it off.

2) Do bake sympathy brownies for the whole office. It’s a great way to make the single people feel involved.

3) Don’t be that person who is in a relationship, and yet claims to hate Valentine’s Day. Not only is it tacky, nobody believes you.

4) Do flaunt your cheesy Valentines in front of your co-workers, should they be single and you loathe them. It’s a great way for you to establish your superiority, even if it is just for this one day.

And there you have it. No need to be a V-Day Grinch. Follow these simple rules, and you’ll never dread Valentine’s Day again. Cheers!

-the lunch lady